


Take what you can get

by ThePsychoticQueen



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Because of Reasons, Cheating, Complicated Relationships, Drinking, Feels, For people who like getting their heart ripped out, Hate Sex, Heartbreak, M/M, Tony Stark Has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 19:13:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7326922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePsychoticQueen/pseuds/ThePsychoticQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony fucked up, and now neither knows if anything can be right again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take what you can get

One year ago, Loki and Tony had the worst fight they ever had. It started when Loki found Tony one day, drunk out of his mind, moping in his workshop. Loki had been concerned, and tried to ask Tony what was wrong. Tony, however, had just yelled at him, telling it was none of his business. Angry, Loki had stormed out, leaving it at that. Loki was frustrated at Tony, both concerned and irritated at the man. Why couldn't Tony just _tell_ him what was wrong? He tried again. And again. Whenever he saw Tony, the other would brush him off, however. Loki only took solace in the fact that he never saw Tony as drunk as the night in the workshop.

"You need to talk to him," Pepper told Loki one day, "He won't listen to me."

"I've tried, he won't talk to me either. He's being a stubborn fool, what am I supposed to do?" he had hissed back, emotions on edge.

"He's having nightmares, Loki, I can tell. About Afghanistan. Maybe if you talk to him, comfort him, share your own experiences -- he needs someone that understands, and I'm afraid I can't help him there."

And so Loki heeded her advice, heart heavy at the source of his lover's problems. The only problem was, Tony wasn't as receptive to Loki's advances.

"Do you think I need your pity?!" Tony had shouted, yet again in a drunken state. Bottles cluttered every inch of the work space, and Loki noted with a frown that Tony had been drinking much more than just beer.

"I'm trying to tell you that I understand what you went through, and I'm here for you!" Loki had yelled back.

"No. You don't understand! You're not even _human_ , Loki! You can never understand what I've been through!" Tony screamed, eyes bloodshot and watery. "You healed, you got _better_. You don't have nightmares like I do, you can _function_. And I don't know if that's because you're a god, or whatever - or if you're just stronger than me - but you can't possibly understand what I'm going through right now!"

"Tony --" Loki began, but was cut off.

"No, get out. Just get **_out_**!” he screamed, throwing an empty bottle. Loki dodged, eyes wide as he watched the glass shatter against the wall behind him.

"If that's what you wish." he murmured, heart aching as he turned away, blinking back tears.

Loki wanted nothing more than to be able to comfort his lover, to be what he needed. But Tony was right. He _didn't_ understand. And while for the first year or so Loki had been plagued by nightmares - about the torture he’d endured at the hands of the Chitauri - eventually they went away, as did all of the bad dreams that had filled his very long life. Loki had his hatred, and his sadness, buried deep inside him - but even those emotions had dulled and receded. It was just his way, as it was the way with others who were graced to live thousands of years.

Loki was beginning to understand that mortals were different, though. Their lives weren't as long, were fleeting in fact. They didn't have the luxury of time, of being able to heal from such tragedy. Steve had told him what Tony had was called PTSD, brought on by the horrific torture and betrayal that the man had gone through. And while Loki wished nothing more than to help, he didn't know _how_.

None of that mattered, however, as two weeks later, Loki had gone to their rooms, exhausted, only to find Tony passed out in their bed. With a woman.

That had been the end of it. Loki had been so hurt, so enraged, that he just couldn't find it in himself to care anymore. Despite all that his lover had been going through, Loki couldn't believe that Tony would do something like this to him, drunk or not. And so Loki ended things, feeling angry and betrayed.

Months had gone by then, and Loki still helped the Avengers, his friends. He had been spending more time on Asgard now, though, as it hurt to be near Tony. And as time passed, Loki had to watch as his ex-lover got slowly better, entering a thing called therapy. It pained Loki that he couldn't have been the one to help him, and that instead Tony had to find peace elsewhere. Loki longed to get back together with the man, but the sting of what he had done ran too deep. Especially after Loki realized that during the worst month of Tony's drinking, there had been even more women and men than Loki had known of.

And yet still, even now, seeing Tony ignited something inside him he couldn't ignore. Loki knew rationally that they could never be together again, not like they had before. And yet, the chemistry was still there, the wanting undeniable. And so despite knowing that it was wrong, knowing how much he still hated the other for his betrayal, Loki couldn't stay away. And that brought them to the present, ducking into an empty room as they devoured each other's lips angrily.

"Get those bloody clothes off, Stark." Loki growled, closing the door with a kick, and roughly pushing Tony against the wall.

"Impatient much, Loki?" the other chuckled breathlessly, groaning as Loki sucked at his neck possessively.

"Shut _up_ , Stark." Loki hissed, removing the others shirt, as Tony moaned beneath him.

Tony, wisely, complied. Instead, he made fast work of Loki's own shirt, sighing as his fingers mapped the marbled torso beneath them. Soon they were both undressed, Loki's arms still caging Tony against the wall, as Loki sucked and nibbled at his neck, and rubbed against his thigh.

"Loki." Tony gasped, as the tricksters ministrations drove him wild. He couldn't - he needed more - but Loki seemed rather adamant on marking Tony's neck as his own. Tony didn't really mind, he relished these moments with Loki. When the other decided to ignore Tony's mistakes, and instead gave him what he so desperately wanted. What he had always wanted.

It had always been Loki, after all. Despite what he had done, the others had never meant anything. Loki was the one he wanted, the one he worshipped, the one he loved. So when he finally got sober again, and realized just how big of a fuck up he'd made, Tony hated himself. He was heartbroken, devastated. He was afraid he'd never see Loki smile at him again, or exchange witty banter. Never feel his hands, mouth, or cock. Never be able to see the look of adoration in his eyes, or witness the secret smiles he shared only with him.

But then this...happened. Tony didn't know why, or how, but frankly he didn't care. He'd take whatever he could get.

Loki pushed him onto the bed then, glaring down at him with a mixture of emotions. He hated him, he really did. Tony had betrayed his trust in more ways than one, and Loki couldn't forgive him for it. How could he have done that to him?! How could Tony just play with his heart, and expect to get away with it? Loki _hated_ the man, but there was still a small part of Loki that loved him. And Loki hated himself for it.

"Turn around." Loki demanded. He couldn't see Stark's face right now, no matter how much he wanted him. If Loki saw him - stared into his eyes - he would break. He wouldn't be able to justify his actions if he saw Stark, wouldn't be able to swallow the bile and self hatred in his lungs.

Straddling the man lying on his stomach, Loki knew he preferred this. It was much more impersonal, and he didn't have to look at the man who betrayed him. Didn't have to watch the familiar expressions of lust, bliss, and euphoria, as Loki gave into what they both needed and yearned. Because the man he associates with those expressions was someone he had loved, but Stark couldn't be that anymore. Tony had stabbed him in the heart, and left him to die. Not once, but several times. So, seeing his face was forbidden, else his mind go where it should not.

"You're _mine_ ," Loki hissed, as he carefully entered him, relishing in the feeling of being inside Stark.

As Tony clutched at the sheets, Loki made a fast rhythm, wild in his thrusts, as Loki tried not to think about who he was fucking. It didn't work of course, as Tony's infuriating (and once endearing) mewls echoed in his ears.

Releasing one hand from Tony's hip, Loki reached up to bury Stark's face deeper into the sheets, muffling his sounds. He didn't want to hear him, didn't want to even know he was there.

Because, how _dare_ he? Loki felt like crying, wondering how Tony could even do what he did. How he could have allowed someone else to touch him, when he had promised himself to Loki and Loki alone. He was _his_. Not theirs. How dare Stark let them witness him like this. Let himself find comfort in a body that was not Loki's own.

It filled Loki with a soul-wrenching sadness that threatened to consume him. But instead of letting it, Loki channeled his heartbreak into rage, letting his anger out in harsh quick thrusts that made Stark buck, gasp, and moan.

When Loki was finally done, he cleaned himself off on the sheets, stood up, dressed, then left. He closed his eyes as he entered his own room, a new one that he and Tony never shared. Tears threatened to prick at his eyes, but Loki forced them down, replacing the sadness with anger in his heart. Loki hated him. And he hated himself.

Tony, meanwhile, wasn't in any better shape. Sighing, Tony stood up, using one arm to lean against the wall. Closed lids opened to reveal misty eyes, and Tony headed to the shower in his room.

While he had loved every second of what Loki did to him, Tony couldn't help but note the air of bitterness. It hadn't been the same, though Tony had no idea why he thought it would. He could feel Loki’s anger, the eyes that glared daggers into his back. Tony knew he deserved it, that Loki had every right to be angry. But still, he wished… He wished he could wipe away the last year. That he could fix his insanely _stupid_ mistakes. That he could at least talk to Loki, and explain just how sorry he was. But Tony was afraid that if he did, this would stop. That Loki would come to his senses and never speak to him again, let alone touch him. Tony didn't want that. He _needed_ Loki. And so he'd take what he could get.

They both would.


End file.
